Dragging You Along For the Journey

I have decided to drag all you along for this journey...it may be a dark journey, it may be a hopeless one, it may just be me meandering through the chaotic morass of my psyche with no destination  on the horizon, but if you read my blog, you are going to be in for an interesting trip.
So, buckle up, dear readers, "bumpy ride" doesn't even begin to describe this journey!
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First....since my life has descended into such chaos, the first task is for me to establish routines and schedules. This will help "retrain" my brain and body and give me the psychological comfort of a type of normalcy.
So, when I get up, before anything else, I shower, do my hair, put in my dentures, put on some make up and dress appropriately for the days tasks/appointments/whatever. No slogging around in my pajamas, no just yanking my hair back in a ponytail. Neat, clean, tidy and ready for the day.
Everyday, Every Single Day, I find one thing that will give me at least a moment of joy or peace.
This has been extremely difficult for me. But, searching for something, I decided to try watching the sunrise. I am not sleeping much, anyway and I had found myself awake at 4:30 - 5:00 every morning anyway. So, now I go out on the porch here and just give myself over to the sunrise .I try not to even think during this, just watch as the world here wakes up and takes it's first breaths of the day.
This morning was a gentle, misty sunrise. Just what I needed. Soothing.
So, routine and sunrises.
It may not be a lot, but right now, it's all I got.

Hanging In There

Well, for those interested in the current shambles of my life, here's how I am dealing with all the chaos and heartbreak and ....well, stuff.
I am going to therapy. I am profoundly depressed and I recognized it and was able to find a therapist to help me cope with what is going on in my life.
The Darlin' Man and I are keeping the lines of communication open. He has admitted he has no clue on what to do with the goats and other livestock and was even unsure about how much to feed, etc.
So, I am taking over the care and feeding of the livestock. He buys the hay, I provide the knowledge  and labor.
We are....talking. But both of us are damaged people and it will take a lot of healing to get our act together.
Reconciliation?
Maybe.
But not right now. It may take a year...at least several months. We both have a lot to work on.

Sorry I Haven't Been Posting

Excuse my absence.
I am going through a lot of heartbreak right now.
I don't know if we can fix this situation even with all my efforts.
I can't eat or sleep.
I mainly cry, which makes me piss poor company.
Did a bunch of paintings, haven't sold a single one.
In all honesty, this is the most severely depressed I have ever felt.
Take care all. Don't know when I'll feel up to posting again.