Thursday, December 31, 2015

New Year...But No Resolutions

2016 starts tomorrow, but for me, there will be no resolutions. Not this time, not this year.
No "New Year, New Me!" stuff.
I have decided I like myself the way I am.
Yes, still need to lose some weight, but that is for my own health, not to fit into a smaller size.
Still need to completely stop smoking, but again, that is for my health, not so I can trumpet to the world that by my will power alone I have triumphed over evil nicotine. Wouldn't be true anyway, I use nicorette gum to ease me through the worst of my cravings.

Resolutions are usually announcements of habits we will drop or good things we will do in the coming twelve months.
More often than not, said resolutions are dropped by the end of February...if not sooner.
The coming of a new year seems to infect humans with a sense of hope and a feeling that anything is the new year. So, with those blinders on, we approach the new year with a determination that soon wavers.
I am not saying to just give up on any well-intentioned resolutions you may have, though.
Go for it! But, be resolute in your resolutions! Actually DO them, okay?

It has taken me a very long time to learn to like myself.
For so long (and I am sure this is the same for many out there), my self worth was determined by what I perceived others thought of me. How others valued me. How many clicks on my blog? How many likes on my facebook post? Is my partner happy? Are my grown kids happy and successful? And on and on and on...until I was looking at things that had absolutely nothing to do with me or my actions and using them as a milestone of my own worth and success....
Rarely thought about what *I* thought of myself.
Until this past year.
Lost my ex. (Hell, I know where he is...just that I finally discovered what a sociopath he is)
No longer on my farm.
Had a heart attack and died for a couple minutes.
I discovered who my real friends and family are. I found out people liked me for me, not for what I could do for them. Learned again to laugh at life's absurdities. Found my joy again...and that, boys and girls, was something I had not had in a very long time.
I learned to breathe again and to speak in my own voice. Discovered I had self-confidence that I had long ago figured was gone forever.
I found out I actually liked this me, this person I had not really gotten to know.

What does my future hold? I don't have a clue. But that's okay.
I DO know that I will get back to farming, some way, some how.
I love it too damn much to give it up. It makes ME happy. Maybe not anyone else, but, what the hell, it makes ME happy. And I want to be happy. Not make someone else happy.

So...have a Happy New Year, for pity's sake (and the sake of everyone else) Don't Drink and Drive.


  1. Internet hug on the way! happy new year! lamb girl!

  2. I have never done resolutions but I would love to stop smoking, I figure I could if they would toss me in jail for ten days.


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