Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Mantras and Continuing My Journey

I told you I had found a mantra and am trying it on to see if it works for me.
Pretty much, it does! And I have found it makes my life easier and I feel more calm, more 'centered'.
Here's how I found it....
I go to sleep many nights pondering the chaos my life has become. This has led to some very disturbing dreams, weird dreams, messed up dreams. Sometimes dreams are just the brain 'flushing' after a long and active day, sometimes dreams give us insight, sometimes dreams bring our worst fears to the surface, sometimes dreams are just our brains messing with us!
This dream started with me being in a very dark place. Not a room or a forest or any defined space....just dark and shadowy, darker the further away from me it was. I was just standing there, wondering where to go or do next when I became aware of an immense presence in front of me. Not threatening, just there. It felt like there was light coming from it, although I could not see light, it just felt that way. (It was a dream, okay? Sometimes you can't explain them well) Call it the divine, the godhead, a God or goddess, whatever your belief system throws your way, but I knew the presence was powerful, and I knew it cared about me.
As I stood there, I heard a voice. It spoke one sentence.
"How can I best love thee today?"
Well, I poured out my heart! Reconciliation with the Darling Man, winning the lottery, on and on...everything I thought would solve my problems.
Then silence.
Then again the voice:
"How can I best love thee today?"
Huh...thought I explained that....so I went over my wants and needs yet again, threw in world peace for good measure and listened for an answer.
Again, the same voice and same sentence..."How can I best love thee today" .
Now it was more of a statement than a question. I started to say something again, but I felt that immense presence lean over me, like a loving parent trying to see if the child was catching on to an important lesson. Same voice, same sentence.
This went on for awhile while I tried my damnedest to figure out what was going on. Again and again that sentence was repeated, while I stood there confused.
Then that light bulb in my head flickered and came to life...
I wasn't being asked a question, I was being told what I should ask myself in every situation!!!
I was being given my mantra!
Not just for dealing with the Darling Man, but for dealing with EVERYONE, including myself!
Epiphany moment.
I woke up feeling refreshed, re energized and at peace.
And so I am doing it. Every situation, that question is at the forefront of my mind.
The cranky clerk at the convenience store, the Darling Man, my friends, my family, strangers, etc.
It's almost a Zen thing for me now. If I feel frustrated at a situation or a person, I just let that mantra flow over me and through me.
Sometimes it just means smiling and being polite. Other times it means having a heart to heart talk with someone. Other times it can mean just ignoring someone's behavior or words or not talking to them. For how I treat myself, it means ignoring all the dark thoughts that try to bubble to the surface and take over and finding ways lift myself up.
It is working for me.
I have finally gotten a job. Cashiers job at a local grocery. I was thrilled when I found out yesterday. Finding that out gave me so much optimism about my future!
This one job will not pay all my expenses, however, so I will have to supplement with another job or two. I have another couple of job opportunities out there that look promising.
Up here, you end up like Alice....running twice as fast just to stay in place, lol!


Because of a couple of rude people that left comments that included links to porn pages and such, I have been forced to start moderating comments again.